March 31st: 21 days old

Well... I spoke too early yesterday when I said the posts should get shorter, way too early!

I like arriving at the hospital in time for rounds, but I was exhausted this morning so I missed them. The first question I asked when I arrived was if the swelling in her leg had gone down. My nurse said no, and that an ultrasound had been ordered because they thought she may have a blood clot. I then asked to look at her leg and saw that it was not only swollen, but much harder and a darker color than the night before. Fear instantly consumed me and I had to start quoting II Timothy 1:7- "For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I then asked to talk to the Intensivist (the head PICU doctor) for the day. She said I could talk to him as soon as rounds were over.

Right after we had that conversation, the speech therapist walked in and asked if we were ready to try bottle feeding. I went from terror to joy. She then grabbed a bottle and filled it with 8 ml of the milk I have been pumping. She held Sadie in her lap, but away from her body, explaining that she did this so that Sadie would not be so comfortable she would fall asleep. Then she began to give Sadie the bottle. Sadie drank 5 ml of the milk (approximately one teaspoon) before she was exhausted and in a milk coma! The therapist was very proud and said she did a great job! Then she explained that we will do a barium study tomorrow and if all goes well work on getting her used to bottle feeding and on all of her nutrition through the milk!

After the speech therapist left, I spoke with Dr. Sullivan, the Intensivist for the week. He explained that they did believe she had a clot and that we would give her Lovenox to combat it, if they did find a clot. Then, began the long wait for the ultrasound tech. Every time a cart rolled by our room, I anxiously awaited them to turn but they just keep passing.. so I kept pestering. It is my job as a mother after all! Time went quickly as I held Sadie, then slowed down after I laid her down. It went quickly when Fred stopped by to talk, and then slowed down after he left. Zach arrived around 2:00 with lunch and his presence helped to speed things up too. Finally, around 4:00, the ultrasound tech arrived. She began the ultrasound moments before the doctors gathered in front of our room for midafternoon rounds. As soon as they arrived at our door, Dr. Sullivan walked in and asked the tech if she had any results. She said no, and he immediately asked if they had someone their to read the ultrasound at this time. She said yes, and he said great because I need these results as soon as possible. All day long, I had been hearing that he was brilliant, and he was the best. I immediately knew why.

In rounds, they talked about her progress and then we spoke on our nephrology concerns. He said he had reviewed the ultrasounds and that we would know to do a VCUG test before we left to check her kidneys. Then the waiting game began again, as we started waiting for results. It seemed like a long time before Dr. Sullivan came back in with the news, she did have a blood clot. He set my heart at ease though as he spoke about the clot. To me, clots have always been terrifying as you hear of them traveling to the heart, brain, or lungs and causing death. He explained that this was common with this procedure and that in infants the clots do not usually move. His calm and knowledgable manner once again proved that he was the perfect doctor to be working this week.

We looked at her leg again before we left for the evening and saw that it was still swollen but that the color had returned to normal and that it was much softer again. I asked Dr. Sullivan why it may have improved and he said that the blood may have found a way to get around.. well I would not be shocked if when they come back to check the leg again (to see if the clot is partially blocking the vein or fully blocking the vein) if the clot is gone. Sometimes, clots dissipate on their own- and I know my God is big enough to do that instantaneously- if He chooses to do so!

Verses of the Day:
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." Isaiah 41:10

The Lord is constantly reminding His people of His goodness and mercy throughout His word. He tells us to "fear not" multiple times and this is just another reminder. As I was stressing out today, I once again realized I was relying on worldly means and not my heavenly father and I immediately began praying. It is such a blessing to have His word hidden in my heart. For in hard times, I can meditate on the words and take them to heart. So for tonight, I will not fear because I know my God is with me. He goes in front of me, behind me and is constantly with me- nothing shocks Him. I will not be dismayed because the Lord is my God! According to Webster, the definition of dismay is to cause to lose courage or resolution. I will have courage because I know the creator of everything is with me and cares for me. Furthermore, I know He loves my daughter more than I ever could, so I know He is watching over her. I feel that He is strengthening me as I receive peace. I can not explain the sense of calm that I have received during these times. It is so wonderful to know that Sadie is in the best hands physically (with the amazing doctors and nurses taking care of her) and spiritually, as the Lord is watching over her.

Praises for the Day:
1. By the end of the day, Sadie's leg was no longer hard and purple.
2. She drank 5 ml from a bottle!
3. The doctors found the clot and have a plan for it.

Prayer Requests for the Day:
1. For good results from the Barium test tomorrow.
2. A smooth transition to our new room in the Cardiovascular Intensive Care Unit.
3. For her blood clot to dissipate.

Below are pictures of Kinsley from dinner tonight. She was having so much fun playing with water that had spilt on the table. She would stick her hands in it and smear it around and then put her hands on her head. After a few times doing that we gave her a napkin to wipe it up. She would wipe the table, then take the napkin and put it behind her head like a cape and then let it fly over her head. She is just way too funny! I know we were all laughing even harder than she was. It is so great to have her bring us joy each and every day through all of the fun and silly things she is doing in life right now.

March 30th: 20 days old

 Starting today, my posts should get much shorter. This is great news for me (as I am very tired when I write these, and probably stop making sense by the end) and even better news for Sadie. The reason they will get shorter is that she is doing so well that I should not have a ton to write about anymore. **Amendment, I just finished todays and it is long, maybe they will be shorter starting tomorrow.

I will tell you that my day started with church and it was wonderful. Pastor Spike's message was focusing on ways to persevere and continue until the end. And, they sang songs that I think were hand picked for me. First, they sang "Fountains." This song brings me such joy as it reminds me of the students at UC dancing and their love for the Lord. We actually missed this song at the beginning of the service, because we were late... but I heard it at the beginning of the second service and went and sang it then. The second song was one I have never heard before, "Sovereign Over Us." We walked in during the bridge and I knew God was using this for our situation. The lyrics are "Even what the enemy means for evil, you turn out for good. Even in the valley you are faithful, you're working for our good. You're working for our good and for your glory." My prayer is that in everything we face, He receives glory and I have seen it time and time again. I know their are specific prayers being answered and still more being lifted up- but I know He is working for His good and our good. The third song was "The Great I Am." I was brought to tears listening to this song, just thinking about His goodness through all of this. I love that in everything I face, I know He is The Great I Am. And finally, the fourth song was "Always." Once again, my makeup was running down my face (I really should invest in waterproof mascara and eyeliner with my known tendency to cry.. for those of you asking to help.. maybe this is your area.. just kidding.) I do know that He is always with me, I know that "He will not delay" that He is "my refuge and strength ALWAYS!" I must admit that as I was singing "I will not fear the storm" I was convicted as I do still have fear, but I know that is still a work in progress!

As for Sadie's condition, she is doing great! Our cardiologist said that we just have to focus on her getting to eat now! What a wonderful thing. I have had many people warn me that this is a very long and tedious process, but I am so thankful to be here. Tomorrow, speech therapy will hopefully come by to determine when we may be ready to try feeding from a bottle. 

Today was also an exciting day for her grandparents as they got to hold her for the first time! It was a beautiful thing for me to see and I am sure for her to feel. God is so good!

Verse of the Day:

"Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

It is never to early to start ingraining scripture into our children's hearts or our own! So many people are often looking for the answer to success, so I figured I would go ahead and share it with her on her 20th day of life. In order to be prosperous and successful, all we need to do is follow His instructions given to us in His word. Now, I have to be careful to explain that being "prosperous and successful" is not portrayed correctly in our world today. If you ask most people they would believe those who are "prosperous and successful" are the rich or the famous.. well I know this is not true as I have seen it firsthand recently. 

I remember a few months ago when Pastor Glenn was preaching for Pastor Spike one Sunday. I can not remember what the message was on, but I think it had something to do with trusting God. What I do remember was a little catchphrase he used in the sermon.. "God's will, God's bill." I remember thinking how cool it was, but I had never really seen it in action. Well, I have seen an abundance of this over the last few months. When we first discovered Sadie's heart condition, we just resolved that we would live in medical debt for the next 60 years trying to pay for everything. We figured, we could pay each of our doctor's a small amount forever. Well, our first look at this "God's will, God's bill" situation occurred in January. I went to my OB and they told me my entire bill was due then or I could not schedule anymore appointments. This was a large sum, so we maxed out our credit cards, but still owed over $700.00. Although this was a large sum, it was not too big for our God. Through my dad speaking with one of his friends and my mom speaking with another friend from church- the bill was completely covered. One of our friend's from church happened to work for my insurance company and informed us that she would put us in touch with someone who would call our OB and try to work out a payment arrangement. Then, one of my dad's friends wrote us a check for $250.00. Well, I ended up receiving a call from my OB letting me know that they had spoken with my insurance and that I had reached another part of my deductible and the remaining balance of my bill was adjusted to $250.18. How amazing that God had laid that amount on his heart and that it was only an eighteen cent difference! Our next look at this came through gifts from people at my school. The Saturday before Sadie was born, Jeleen, Summer and Kelli came by to spend time with me and pray with me before she would arrive. Well when they came, they also brought me gift cards and money from the cheerleaders, faculty and staff at University Christian. It was a huge blessing and I was humbled at the gift. I know that pride is one of my weak areas, and it is often so hard to except things from others and this was no exception. I was left in shock and utter amazement at the huge blessing I was given. Shortly after that, we were blessed again when one of Zach's cousins and uncles decided to start an online fundraising effort for Sadie. We were in shock again as we saw money pouring in from family, friends and some people we did not even know! And that money is continuing to pour in. Today I learned of two other blessings- one from UC and one from someone I do not even know. One of Zach's aunts has a friend who owns a cupcake shop in Decatur, Indiana. Well that friend is selling Easter cupcakes as a fundraiser for Sadie and is giving the proceeds to Sadie! What a wonderful blessing again. Once again, I am in awe of the generosity and love shown by so many people. 

We are prospering at this time when it would seem impossible. Not because we are "rich" by any means. But because of the blessings of others. We still have yet to see many medical bills and we still know we will have them for years to come, but we know that God will take care of us and that we will prosper because He is with us. We do not need to fear! 

Furthermore, we are prospering in life! We have two beautiful little girls that bring our hearts so much joy. We have amazing families who love us and love the Lord and have helped us through this situation. We have friends who are more like family, who have also walked this road with us and will continue to walk this road with us! And we have countless people praying for us and our sweet little girl! It is so amazing to feel and see God's love through other people! So we will not be afraid because we know He is with us wherever we go!

Praises for the Day:

1. Being able to spend time with our church family this morning!

2. Sadie was finally able to be held by her grandparents.

3. Sadie is still doing well with her milk.. she is up to 7 ml per hour (which is just under an ounce every four hours)

Prayer Requests for the Day:

1. Pray for her leg to stop swelling. The doctor's believe they know why it is swelling (due to the line in her leg) and have removed the line so it should go down by morning!

2. Pray for wisdom and a good report from "speech" tomorrow so that we can hopefully work on feeding by mouth soon!

3. Pray for continued protection from infection.

March 29th: 19 days old

Today was another good day for Miss Sadie Grace. The doctor's are still very pleased with her progress and are currently upping her feeds by 1 ml every 12 hours. We were slightly worried (well really worried at first) as we have noticed swelling in her right leg- it looks like a little marshmallow. However, we found out that the swelling is normal after they receive a catheter in their legs. Also, because of Turner's she is more likely to swell. They test three things to make sure their is not a big problem with this. First, they make sure she still has a pulse in her foot. Second, they make sure her leg is still pink. And last, they make sure it is still warm. She has passed all of those tests with flying colors, so we are very thankful for that.

We did have one scary moment for me as she started to pull out one of her lines in her leg. We looked down and noticed blood, so the nurse began searching. After we found the source, she calmly started to get a kit to clean it and close it back up. Well, I can handle a lot of things- but seeing my child bleeding and then being cleaned with alcohol is not one of them. I was doing okay watching at first, but had to sit down a few minutes into it as I started to feel nauseous. Luckily, I had a great friend there to help me through it!

We also had the privilege of making her room feel a little more like home. She has been moved to a crib, which seems huge for our little girl. But, we put a mobile on it and now she has a whole collection of friends watching over her. We also got to put her in clothes for the first time! The outfits are definitely big, but they said they like them that way because of the wires.

Kinsley also got to come up to the hospital again today, but she has not had the chance to meet Sadie yet, but we think it may be soon! After spending the morning at the hospital, we went to Seasons 52 for dinner- it was delicious. But, my favorite part was after dinner when Zach and I got to play with Kinsley outside for a few minutes. We played chase and she just laughed and laughed. It was so fun. She also made a friend with some little boy who started crying when he had to leave, we are in big trouble because this is not the first boy that has quickly become attached to her. Luckily, she does not have much interest in the boys yet- which makes her Daddy very happy!

Verse of the Day:
"The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17

This verse came to me from Mrs. Spann. She sent me a message talking about how she and the students have been praying fervently for Sadie. She said it was a beautiful sight to see her freshman down on their knees, lifting Sadie up to the Lord! It was just another reminder of how lucky I am to work at University Christian. UC is so much more than just a place to work, it is a family and home. We have been so blessed by the love, prayers, outreach and support from the faculty, staff, students and parents. And, it is not shocking in any way- because I know it all stems from the love of Christ within them!

Now, onto the verse how wonderful to know that the Lord is not only with us but that He is a mighty warrior. He is fighting for us! He takes great delight in us. He loves us and rejoices over us with singing! I know that He has been fighting for our daughter as she has overcome so many odds already. He has protected her through these times and will continue. Not only has He fought for her, but He has shown His face in so many ways. Through miracles big and small- He is showing His love and rejoicing in the ways that He can do it. I know that He loves to bring us joy- He is taking delight in each miracle, just as we are.

Praises for the Day:
1. Madison was released from the hospital. She is such a little fighter. The doctor's expected her to be in the hospital at least a week and it has only been 4 days.
2. Sadie was able to get dressed today!
3. They are still increasing Sadie's feeds.

Prayer Requests for the Day:
1. Pray for continued safety from infection.
2. Pray for the arterial bands to protect her from too much blood flow.
3. Pray for her to do well as we prepare for the next step of learning how to feed!

March 28th- 18 days old

Today was my official due date for our sweet Sadie and she is already 18 days old. However, it feels like we have had her forever. These past two and a half weeks are an enigma to me. Part of me feels like they have flown by, while the other part feels like they have dragged on. Regardless of how the time has been, I do know one thing - they have been wonderful! I love every minute I get to spend with my sweet girl.

We had big improvements again today, as she had her catheter and chest tube removed! She was also upped to 2 ml of breast milk per hour. Which will be about an ounce and a half over the course of 24 hours. I am thankful I am not on that eating plan! When one of our cardiologists walked in today, I proudly let him know that she had been upped to 2 mls per hour and he laughed and said he was pretty sure she swallowed more spit than that. He is a fan of feeding them faster, but they all compromise based on what they believe as a group is best for Sadie.  As a whole, they said she is looking great. She is still slightly tachypneic (her breathing is fast) and a few of her levels are not quite where we want them, but they say she is doing amazing considering she just had open heart surgery.

Tomorrow, will be a big day as they move her to a crib and we get to put her in clothes! We went shopping for her for the first time, it was great! I can not wait to post pictures of her in her outfits. They have to be a special kind that they can easily remove, but Krissie prepared us for that so we know exactly what to get.

Verse of the Day:
"Ah Lord God! It is you who made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you." Jeremiah 32:17

 I have found throughout my whole life that when I face a big problem, I usually try to solve it on my own. I think "I can handle this" and begin doing every "earthly" thing I know how to do to solve the problem. Then, when I have exhausted all "earthly" means, I get wise and remember to ask God. Why is it that I do things so backwards? Why would I not start with the creator of the universe? He made me, He made everything and He knows everything. Obviously, He knows the solution. For example, sometime last year I lost my retainer (yes, I still wear a retainer every night- if not, my teeth would be crooked) and searched everywhere high and low. I distinctively remember that it was late and I was exhausted. So, after spending over an hour searching, I decided to skip my devotion and just go to bed. I knew it was wrong, but I was so tired. Well, as soon as I laid down, I felt this nagging on my heart that I should do my devotion. Obviously, the Holy Spirit was convicting me. So, after laying there for five minutes I gave in and decided to do my devotion. Well I got up went to my drawer and pulled out my bible and you will never believe what I found laying on top- my retainer. It was such a funny little reminder that I needed to turn to Him!

Now, we are facing different circumstances and we have been able to see God do miracles through supernatural means and through medicine. I am so thankful for everything He is doing! We are thankful for the way her body has responded to the treatments in ways that shock even the doctors. And, we are thankful for all of the skills given to everyone who is working on her. I am so thankful for each and every person who has has worked on Sadie over the past few weeks and for the doctors that have been following me throughout my entire pregnancy. It is so amazing to know that God formed each and everyone of them and gave them the will and desire to do their jobs. He is using them in mighty ways and some of them do not even know it. I am thankful for the paths they have taken to be where they are today. I am also thankful for the paths we have been on that have kept us here. It is wonderful to see how God has orchestrated every part of our paths and continues to do so! I am so thankful that I serve a God who nothing is too hard for!

Praises for the Day:
1. Sadie had her chest tube and catheter removed!
2. She was calm and alert for a lot of the day.
3. She is exceeding their expectations for recovery.

Prayer Requests for the Day:
1. Continued protection for Sadie from infection. As she is post surgery, it is so important that she does not get any type of infections, bacteria or sicknesses as they could cause severe problems.
2. Pray that her stomach will tolerate the milk so that we can continue to increase the amount we give to her.
3. Continued wisdom for everyone involved in making her plans for each day!

March 27th: 17 days old

As you heard yesterday, we made it through surgery! I must tell you from a mother's perspective, that was one of the hardest days of my life. Making the walk to the "leaving place" was so hard and then saying goodbye and watching them wheel your child away was even harder. As I watched her leave, I could not help but be terrified. Then came the waiting game. I learned through that waiting game that I still have a whole lot of growing in Christ to do. Every time I tried to pray, I would break down. So, I decided that I would pray some, and just talk at other times. Not focusing became the easy thing for me to do. Rather than thinking about what we were facing, it was easier to talk or pray for others. So, I must thank every single one of you who could pray during that time. I know your prayers are what helped things to go so wonderfully. It is during those times, that I was reminded of the song "Just Say Jesus." It is amazing how He knows exactly what we need during those times with just the mention of His name.

Every time Zach's phone would ring and we would see "unknown" calling, I would breathe. Those good updates were exactly what I longed to hear. The best moment was when I saw the surgeon's after we were told she was closed. I knew if they were out and smiling, it was a good thing! Seeing them was like the moment Ariel saw Prince Eric for the first time (just a nice Disney reference for you babe). No, I did not fall in love with the doctor's by any means- but I did see another day for my Sweet Sadie!

After talking with all of the doctor's and nurses, we were relieved to hear that she had done wonderfully! When we got the chance to go back and see her, it was a huge mix of emotions. I was so relieved to see her, but it was hard as she was intubated, slightly swollen and obviously on a lot of heavy medication. But, the sight of her chest moving up and down was one that was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. 

So now onto the information you have not previously heard. I did not write the blog yesterday (that is why it was so funny- way to go Zach now everyone is going to be disappointed when I do not make them laugh) because I got to stay overnight with her because we are in the PICU now. Notice, I said "stay overnight." The idea was to have a sleepover, however sleeping did not really happen. I think I may have slept for a total of 2 and a half hours, because there was a lot going on. But, it was all very good stuff. It started when Dr. English came to check and decided he was ready to get her extubated that night! I was initially told she would be intubated for a week or two post surgery, so less than 24 hours was so exciting. Well, they slowly weaned her off of the breathing machine and less than 8 hours after finishing surgery- she was off! It was so great to hear her sweet little cry. However, that sweet little cry kept me up during the night. I am definitely not complaining about this though- it was a great restless night! She also had a few x-rays during the night and people checking on her constantly- which we are very grateful for.

This morning (well around 8:00), we started with rounds. I love rounds in the PICU because all of the doctors, nurses, PA's and everyone are involved. They always start with the cardiac patients, but unfortunately, they start on the other side of the hall so we were the last cardiac patient to be looked at. It was fun watching them all move slowly in their circles, wheeling their laptops along with them. We counted and there were 13 people standing in a circle discussing her case. It was also great to hear them all actively discussing how she was doing and what to do to proceed. There was a lot I did not understand, but also a lot I did understand. I decided that I can learn a little more each day. So, I am sure you want to know what they said. If I tried to write down everything, first of all it would be gibberish to most of you and second, it would take me forever. So, here is the important stuff. They decided to start working on weaning her off of her pain medication and sedative (they explained how babies and the elderly are a lot tougher than everyone else.) They decided to consult nephrology again sometime soon regarding her kidneys and to see why her urine is somewhat cloudy. They decided to start a new antibiotic to try to combat the cloudy urine. Finally, they decided to start feeding her through a tube! This took some negotiating as one of the doctor's wanted to wait- but in the end, they decided it was best.

I was the most ecstatic about the fact that she would get to eat. It was only later, when her nurse was talking about starting her TPN (the nutrition she has been receiving up until this point) that I realized just how little the amount of food they would be giving her was. They are giving her 1 ml per hour.. that is less than 1 ounce in a day. So, we obviously are starting VERY slow. But, it is a start! 

As I talked to people throughout the day, I was constantly reminded of how good God is. Everyone is shocked at how well she is doing. I know that each day is just one step forward- but we are so thankful for every single one.

Tonight, we had the privilege of going to dinner with Emerie's parents and brothers. Emerie is a little girl who had the same exact surgery Sadie did in November. When we first found out about Emerie, we knew that God had orchestrated our paths and were so thankful for that. Shortly after Sadie was born, a great friend contacted Emerie's mother for me and she reached out to me on Facebook. I am so thankful for her and already know that this is going to be a lifelong friendship for us and our girls. During dinner, we had the privilege of learning more about their process and seeing just how well Emerie was doing. We must continue to pray for her to as she will have her second surgery soon! I am so thankful for these new friends that we have.

Tomorrow, they will hopefully remove her chest tube and I will be able to hold her. This is such a miracle! When I talked to Krissie, Emerie's mom, she said she did not get to hold her for three weeks after surgery. In addition, if they take out the chest tube she may get to wear clothes. They have to be all snaps, but Krissie actually brought a few of Emerie's outfits for Sadie =)

Verses of the Day:

"Make a joyful noise to God, all the earth; sing the glory of His name; give to Him glorious praise. Say to God how awesome are your deeds." -Psalm 166: 1-3a

God is awesome! I have seen this time and time again. When I was younger, the first "awesome deed" I can remember Him doing was giving me straight hair. I had very curly hair when I was younger, and wanted straight hair. Well, I prayed and prayed and prayed.. and one day I woke up with stick straight hair. It only lasted a few years, but I still got my straight hair. More recently, I have seen His awesome works time and time again in the lives of students, friends and of course Sadie. I am so thankful for His awesome deeds over the past two weeks and will continue to thank Him for His awesome deeds that He is continuing to do! 

Praises for the Day:

1. Successful surgery for Sadie!!!

2. Successful surgery for Madison!!

3. She has already been extubated and she is starting to be fed!!!!

Prayer Requests for the Day:

1. Pray that the food cooperates with her belly so that she can continue to get more food and grow!

2. Pray that we figure out what is going on with her urine.

3. Pray that she can rest peacefully.

4. Pray for protection from any infections!

March 26th: 16 Days Old

Hey everyone this is Zach filling in for the ever so talented blogger Candace. She is at the hospital tonight with Sadie so I get the privilege of updating you.

It was an emotionally taxing day that started at 5am this morning with my annoying alarm clock. Even though the surgery wasn't scheduled until 8:30 we still had to get Kinsley to daycare and get to the hospital early to spend some time with Sadie. We got to hold her for a good hour before all of the doctors started showing up. When I say doctors I mean like twelve of them. Not really but close haha. Sadie was in good hands.

The hardest part if the day was walking with her to the Cath lab where they did the procedures. I pray that none of you have to experience that walk and the subsequent helplessness you feel when they push your child through those doors. It was a very emotional moment for both of us.

After that we went up to the room outside of the PICU and starting the waiting game. The nurses did a great job updating us just about every hour or whenever they were done with one procedure and starting on the next. The best update that we received all day was when they called to tell us that they were finished and were starting the closing process. It was like that moment in Apollo 13 when mission control was waiting for them to break radio silence after re-entry (thats right Candace...if I am writing, you get Apollo 13 analogies).

Around 3:30 we Chaplain Fred came and got us. It was time to go see Sadie. When we got to the room Sadie looked like she was resting comfortably and that made both of us very happy. You never want to see your child in this condition but God immediately gave us a peace and we knew this was for good. This is going to help fix her.

Tonight they are already starting to ween her off of the ventilator and let her start breathing on her own. For some reason she gets agitated when she realizes there is a tube down her throat. Over the next few days there will be a lot of observing. The bands that were put on her pulmonary arteries are roughy 3mm. That is very tiny. There is a fine line between too tight and too loose and we need it just right. A little on the loose side is ok because she can grow into them but there is no real good solution to them being tight. As you thank God for all He has done please continue to Pray for Sadie. We had a great day but it was a great start to a long race. Pray that the bands that were placed have the perfect tension on her arteries.

We are overwhelmed and extremely blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. We could never have imagined that Sadie would have such an impact on so many at only 16 days old. God is good and His plan is perfect!

Zach

March 25th: 15 days old

Today was an exciting and scary day all at once. I got to hold Sadie again today and this time with her just being wrapped in a blanket. That was a wonderful experience that I will never forget. I also got to meet with the nephrologists and they told me that from their stand point, she did need to be evaluated but not until after surgery. Then, I met with the cardiologist's again. Dr. English said he is happy with her numbers and that they are ready for surgery. So, unless something crazy happens tonight they will start to fix her heart tomorrow. After he re-explained the surgery to me, this time in much more detail, we went over the consent form. Signing that piece of paper was definitely one of the scariest things I have ever done in my life. However, I know it is what is best for her! Later, the anesthesiologists came by and explained their part of the surgery and I once again signed more paperwork. Tomorrow I will sign the surgeon's paperwork and they will whisk her away. The surgery should last approximately four hours and we will receive updates throughout. I know those will probably be four of the longest hours of my life, but I know we will be blanketed in prayer and I can not ask for more!

Verse of the Day:
"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

I can still remember Mrs. Baxter quoting this verse to our cheerleading squad we anxiously awaited our turn on the mat. Those moments before they called our team's name were always nerve wrecking. My heart would pound, my hands would sweat and I would always need to go pee! But, Mrs. Baxter would pray with us, quote II Timothy 1:7 with us and reassure us that we were ready. Well today, she quoted it to us again and it took on a whole new meaning. It was in a text message that started with another mother whose daughter is also having surgery tomorrow. She too cheered for Mrs. Baxter (and now coaches with me) so Mrs. Baxter reminded us of the verse in the message. It is amazing to me how that verse has stuck with us and how God used it in that situation and will be with us tomorrow. I can remember as a high schooler quoting it over and over again in times of fear, and I will be quoting over and over again tomorrow. It is crazy how excited and nervous I am regarding this surgery. I am excited because I know this is the first step we need to take to fix her heart. But, I am nervous because it is a very big and scary step. However, in spite of my fears, I must lean on Him during these times. As I read this verse to Sadie tonight, I told her not to fear, but was obviously talking more to myself! Oh how I need to trust His word and believe that.

Praises for the Day:
1. Sadie's white blood cell count dropped by 1.
2. Nephrology finally gave us our consult and said they were good with the surgery.
3. We are ready to go for surgery.

Prayer Requests for the Day:
1. Pray for wisdom for the doctors, surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses and anyone else involved in Sadie's surgery tomorrow.
2. Pray for Madison Del Valle as she has major back surgery to help correct her extreme scoliosis tomorrow. Pray for her doctors, surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses and all others involved. Pray for her family and friends.
3. Pray for peace for me, Zach and all of our friends and family.

March 24th: 14 days old

I can hardly believe my Sweet Sadie is two weeks old today! And what is even crazier, is we still have not reached my due date. But, these past two weeks with our sweet girl have been wonderful!

When I came in, our cardiologist had just arrived and was ready to start checking her out. The first thing he did was remove the line that was in her mouth connecting to her belly (to pull air out.) He thought it was making her too uncomfortable, and I agreed. Then he checked her out, and we discussed the upcoming surgery. He said at this point, we are still scheduled for Wednesday. Her platelet levels did drop slightly today, but he said it was not past his threshold or the surgeon's and her white blood cell slightly elevated, so he ordered another urine culture. At this point, all of her blood and urine cultures have shown no growth, which points to their not being an infection; however, they are still slightly worried since her white blood cell count rose again. So, we are still just watching and waiting at this point.

After the cardiologist left, they let me hold Sadie. We got to spend a good hour and a half together and she was as cozy as could be. After I got done holding her, we put her back in the bed and she started fussing. We tried so many things to calm her down, but she was not having it. I am sure she is just hungry and tired of being in her little isolette, so I can not really blame her. At this point, I had to leave to go get Kinsley, but Laura got her to calm down by letting Sadie suck on her gloved finger for 20 minutes, she is so sweet!

After I left the NICU, I paid a quick visit to Dr. Gottier on the 18th floor and headed to get Kinsley. We then went to dinner with Zane and Christine before heading back up to the hospital. We have such wonderful friends and it was great getting to spend time with them! Once we arrived back at the hospital, Laura let Zach hold Sadie for a little while. Once again, she was peaceful and cozy while Zach was holding her. After we put her down she started to get fussy again. Our poor little girl just wants to be cuddled, and who can blame her!

Verses for the Day:
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in the mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things." -Ecclesiastes 1:5

Throughout this whole experience, I feel like I have learned a lot, but also that I have so much more to learn. The way the human body is designed to work is crazy. We have an amazing God who formed things in a way that none of us can truly explain or imagine. Although I have had many doctor's explain the heart to me and the way it is designed to function, not one can truly explain how it happens. That is part of the mystery of God. It is so cool to think that my sweet Sadie Grace lived inside of me and that she was formed by God. What is even crazier to think about is the fact that her body knows just what to do to function. Even though her heart has not formed according to God's original design, it is still trying its hardest. And her little body is still fighting. If we consciously tried to think to tell our hearts to pump blood, we would not be able to. But, because of God's incredible design our hearts know exactly what to do. I can not understand how this is possible. And just as I can not understand that I can not understand the works that God is doing through Sadie's life right now. I can see that in her 14 days on earth, she has already made a bigger impact than I believe I have in my 26 years on Earth. What a beautiful testimony she already has for the Lord. Through other people's words and stories, I can already see the impact she is having. She has also made a huge impact in my own life. I can honestly say that this has helped me become closer to God than I ever have been. And in spite of that, I still do not know His final plan. So, I must not try to understand. Rather, I must sit back and see the beautiful things He is doing through Sadie's life and be joyful for the changes in my life and in others.

Praises for the Day:
1. Sadie's blood and urine cultures are still coming back negative.
2. The doctor removed the tube from her throat.
3. Both Zach and I were able to hold her today.
4. Most of her numbers look great!

Prayer Requests for the Day:
1. Pray for her white blood cell count to decrease.
2. Pray for her platelets to increase.
3. Pray that we will get a nephrology or urology consult tomorrow.
4. Pray for sweet Sadie's hunger pains to subside.
5. Pray for wisdom for the doctor's and surgeons as they decide wether or not to proceed with surgery on Wednesday or to postpone it.

March 23rd: 13 days old

Sunday’s are always wonderful days. We started off with church then got to visit Sadie at the hospital for a little bit. When we arrived, they were in the process of putting a new IV in, so they could give her more blood. This time, they started with the ultrasound machine so it only took one stick. Needless to say, she still did not like that one stick, but honestly who can blame her! After they finished she was obviously upset, but we gave her some “sweeties” and she calmed down after a little bit. Then she was calm and alert, my mom, dad and Zach were all there and all got to see her awake and happy it was wonderful! When Zach and I went back later, she was sleeping peacefully and I got to hold her again! What a wonderful thing =) Treasure those moments moms, because they are so wonderful!

In regards to her vital signs, everything looked pretty good. Her white blood cell count went down again, but we need it to go down even more. The only test that gave us problems was her hematocrit, and to combat that we just gave her more blood.

Overall, I think we are looking good so let’s just keep praying for surgery on Wednesday!

Verses for the Day:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1: 2-3

This has been the trial of a life time for me, and I know it is for Sadie and so many others who love her. It is funny how situations like this can open your eyes. I can look back on things that I thought were so important, or so hard and see now that they do not compare in any way. And, when I look back on those other trials, I can also see how God brought me through them and how they shaped me to be the person I am today. It is in looking back, that I can see what truth this verse shares. Now, as I am in the midst of this trial, I must trust God and realize that He will bring us through this. But, as I read these verses and break them down , it is hard for me to apply each part. If I am being honest, this is where I would just like to pick parts of the Bible to apply to my life. Let's take "consider it pure joy" for instance. As I live through this trial, it is hard for me to "consider it pure joy." In fact, it is not joyful when I see Sadie hooked up to machines, or hear her cry as she is being pricked with a needle (again and again.) It is not joyful when I have to leave the hospital and leave her lying in her isolette.   So, how can I "consider it pure joy"? This is where I must lean on Christ. I must realize that He is in control. This is where I also must realize that I am a human, and I am not perfect. I do have joyful moments, such as when I got to hold her tonight. Or, when I get to see her awake, calm and alert. These are moments I treasure more than you could imagine. There are also joyful moments when I get to see parents walking in with car seats. I am sure most people do not get excited to see someone walk into a room with a car seat. But, if you are in the NICU and see someone walk in with a car seat, you know that means they are taking their baby home! So, it is easy for me to find moments of joy without finishing the verses. But, if I finish the verses I realize their is a promise from God to me in there. When we face trials, God uses them to develop us to make us mature and complete, what a wonderful thing. I know I am growing closer to Him each day! And I know this too, because I feel more and more under attack each day. Satan is trying to weasel his way in and grab me, but I know who my Savior is, I know who my Creator is and He is by my side. So, He gives me the strength to persevere.  No matter what you face or I face, we must remember he is with us and is constantly molding us and shaping us. What a miracle!

Praises for the Day:

1. Sadie's white blood cell count has dropped from a 31 to a 24.

2. They have been able to move her blood gas tests to every six hours instead of four (which means she looks good and they are taking less blood from her.)

3. Cardiology stopped by this morning and was pleased with almost everything!

Prayer Requests for the Day:

1. Sadie's hematocrit level was off, so they had to give her blood today- pray that it will correct itself tomorrow.

2. Pray that her white blood cell count continues to drop, we want to get in the low teens!

3. Pray that her numbers and vitals continue to be good so that we can have surgery on Wednesday.

Kinsley with her NCAA March Madness Bracket. I am pretty sure hers is better than everyone elses =)

March 22nd - 12 days old

This morning started out rough for Sadie, as she lost an IV and her arterial line. They decided to leave the IV out but had to put the arterial line back in. My poor child has been stuck way too many times already. Fortunately, they were able to get it back in, so I am just praying she does not lose it again. They also had to put a line into her belly to pull air out as her latest X-ray showed too much air in there. As far as her numbers are concerned, almost all of her numbers look great- we just have two areas of concern. First, her white blood cell count went back up, this is not good news as we will not have surgery if this number is high. The second is her respiratory rate- it is still high. It was much better than yesterday, while I was there, but we would still like it to be much lower. Tonight was a great night, as we got the privilege of seeing Sadie bright eyed and awake again. It was so hard leaving her as I just wanted to spend every moment. I actually left the hospital in tears and had to use creative measures as I did not have tissues to blow my nose. But, we had to leave because we had to pick up Kinsley who was waaay past her bad time at that point. She fell asleep on the car ride home and was only half a wake as we got her ready for bed. She did have a wonderful night at a Christian concert with my parents and some of my family though!

Verses for the Day:

"See, children are a gift from the Lord. The children born to us are a special reward." Psalm 127:3

Over the last few weeks, we have received many blessings from friends and family. In the forms of prayers, words, cards, gifts and money, but none of them have been as great as the gift we have received from the Lord in our sweet Sadie. I was looking through the cards we have received today, and a quote on one jumped out at me. "You trace a soft finger across tiny, sleeping eyes and wonder 'God gave you to me?'" - Max Lucado. As I read that, tears sprang to my face as I realized just how blessed we are to have Sadie. I do not want any other child, because I know that she is our blessing from above, our gift. Although we are facing incredibly difficult and painful things, I am so happy that Sadie is mine. God knows what He is doing and He gave her to us. That is because He trusts us to take care of her, what an honor. I do not know how long I will get to keep her, and that fact terrifies me. I pray that she will outlive me by many years (or that we can just go to Heaven at the same time) but I do not know if that is His plan. I can only pray that it is! 

As I said earlier, I left the hospital in tears tonight. I was under the attack of the enemy, he taunted me and tried to control me with fear and he did momentarily. I felt defeated like there was nothing I could do, praying only brought me to more tears and I began to get angry with God. I asked why? And then I stopped and remembered the words that I had read to Sadie earlier in the night. "Children are a gift from the Lord. The children born to us are a special reward." No matter what Satan throws at me, He can not take this gift away as she is already my special reward. The Lord has given her to me and she is mine. And I will do my best to take care of her, to love her, to teach her to love the Lord and to grow in His wisdom and truth. She and Kinsley are both my gifts and I love them dearly. I thank the Lord that I have them, I can see that I am so blessed already. 

Praises for the Day:

1. We still see no growth in her blood and urine cultures.

2. All of her vital signs are looking good!

3. Her cardiologist demanded a consult with either urology or nephrology and made sure the neonatologist knew about it. ( We have not had it yet, but hopefully it will be tomorrow.)

4. She is still breathing well enough to breathe on her own without assistance.

5. We got more alert time with our sweet Sadie!

6. Kinsley seems to be doing much better, her nose is still slightly runny but I think the medicine is working!

Prayer Requests for the Day:

1. Pray for her white blood cell count to decrease.

2. Pray for continued good results from the blood and urine cultures.

3. Pray for her respiratory rate to continue to slow down and her lungs to not be overfilled with blood.

4. Pray for either urology or nephrology to come give us a consult!

5. Pray that she does not lose her arterial line or PICC line.

March 21st: 11 days old

Today was another good day for Sadie. In fact, it was probably my favorite day as she was alert and happy for a good 45 minutes with me. It was so wonderful to see her sweet eyes open and just be able to talk to her.  We also had a photo shoot, so get ready for cuteness overload!

Most of her reports are also looking great! Her white blood cell count is still high (showing that she is fighting some sort of infection) but it has dropped, so that is a good sign. She is also still breathing fast, due to the dampness of her lungs. When I asked cardiology about this, they said that as long as her blood oxygen levels and platelet levels stay okay, we will not need to intubate her early, but if they start to have bad levels, we will. I pray that we do not have to intubate her early, but also ask that the doctors have wisdom to do it, if it becomes necessary. Kinsley is also slightly sick, so keep her in your prayers. She is not acting sick, which makes me very happy, but does have a green, runny nose and a cough.

Verse for the Day:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. You saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." - Psalm 139: 13-16

Tonight, I read Psalm 139: 1-16 to Sadie, and she was actually awake with slightly open eyes for it. I absolutely love these verses. They bring peace and joy as I read them. There are three things that I explained to Sadie from these verses tonight.

1. Verses 1- 6 discuss the intimacy we have with God. I love that it opens by talking about how well he knows us. It says "You have searched me Oh Lord, and know me." At times, this can be scary, because he knows our every thought and sometimes we do not want Him to know them. But, this is also comforting. Because He knows us so well, He knows our wants, desires and needs. He knows what is best for us and it is something that I keep seeing and keep coming back to. He knows me inside and out, and He also knows Sadie inside and out- what a wonderful thing.

2. Verses 7-12 discuss God's omnipresent nature. "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" I do not want to be away from Him at all, and even if I wanted to.. I could not because He is everywhere. That is so reassuring because I know that I need Him now more than ever, and I know that Sadie needs Him too! What a joy to know that He is constantly with us and constantly watching over us. Not only does it talk about the fact that He is there, but it also talks about how He guides us. I know that I need His guidance now more than ever. What a wonderful thing to know He offers it, I only need to accept it.

3. Verses 13-18 discuss our creation. What a joy to know that He is our creator. I always make it a point to pray over Sadie before I leave her each time. And, I always thank Him that He created her perfectly. When you study the human body it is crazy to see all of the intricacies that are within us. To see, just how complex we are and how our body must work to function properly. I do not know much, but I am learning a lot about this as I learn more about Sadie and her condition. Although her body is made differently, the Lord still designed it. This was not a mistake, accident or coincidence- this was His design! And I love every bit of it- I would not trade my sweet Sadie for any other baby in the world. When we first found out about Sadie's condition, I immediately adopted a song for her, All of Me by Matt Hammet. If you have never listened to this song, it is amazing. It has always been one that pulled on my heart strings but hearing it now, it takes on a whole new ming. Matt Hammitt is the lead singer of Sanctus Real and wrote this song for his own little boy, Bowen. His son, Bowen, was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome before he was born (the same thing Sadie is diagnosed with.) When Matt heard about his son's disorder he wrote the song and really opened up his heart. He talks about how he was scared to love at first, because he knew it could lead to pain. But, he realized he needed to give all of his love to his son, even though he knew it may hurt. Well, he did just that and his son is currently a healthy three year old boy. He still needs one more surgery but is doing great for now (you can read more about him at BowensHeart.com.) Before I knew about Sadie's condition, before I even knew I would have a child, this song pulled on my heart strings. After learning of Sadie's condition, it affected me even more. I can not tell you how many times I cried to this song- but I also learned from it and realized that God did have a plan and did create her this way on purpose. I knew I had to give her all of me, and I did just that! She has all of me and has the love of so many. I have seen countless miracles already and know more will come as a result of this. He is already using her in more ways than I can imagine- what a wonderful thing! He ordained her days. Obviously, He knows she is a strong little girl, because He will never give us more than we can handle (I will share that with her another day though).

Praises for the Day:
1. Sadie's white blood cell count has decreased (it was too high before)
2. The new blood and urine cultures have no growth at this point.
3. Her renal ultrasound looked better than the last one (we have not received specifics on this yet.)
4. Her blood oxygen, platelet levels and CRP levels all look good.
5. She seemed much more comfortable and a lot less irritable today!

Prayer Requests for the Day:
1. Pray for her white blood cell count to continue to decrease (it is at 23 and we need it down to at least 15.)
2. She still has a very high respiratory rate due to the dampness in her lungs. Pray for the medications to work and for her to keep her numbers good so that she does not have to be intubated early.
3. Continue to pray that her blood and urine cultures have no growth.
4. She has either a urology or nephrology consult tomorrow, pray for wisdom for whichever speciality we see.

Have a great night!

March 20th - 10 days old

Today we had a few downs, but mostly ups! Most of Sadie's numbers look great at this point. The only things we are worried about at this point are her respiratory rate, her lungs and her white blood cell count. Her respiratory rate is very fast at this point, due to the dampness in her lungs. She also has an elevated white blood cell count, which points to signs of infection. So, the doctors order another blood culture as well as a urine culture. The last cultures had no growth, but they want to figure out why her white blood cell count is high. For her head ultrasound, we got good results in that there were "no significant changes." Tomorrow, she will have a renal ultrasound to recheck her kidneys. When I spoke with cardiology today, they informed me that she is "penciled in" for surgery on Wednesday but they will only do it IF she is completely healthy. We are praying that she will be! She did have a rough morning because her arterial line closed up and they had to prick her five times before they were able to get another successful line in. They did give her some pain medication towards the end to help her with the pain. Today was sad too, as I learned that the little girl I talked about yesterday passed away. I can not imagine what the family is going through, but can only say that we must keep praying for them as I know they are hurting.

Verses for the Day:
"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1: 3-6
I read all the way through verse 11 to Sadie today and was able to grasp a few new concepts from this.

1. I need to pray with joy. So many times, in the middle of the night usually, my prayers bring me to tears. Now I know that crying is good and beneficial but it is a wonderful thing to experience the joy of the Lord too. I know that I will experience pain, but I must celebrate in my prayers as well. So many times, I get caught up in the negative and forget to focus on the positive. This is why I write out my praises. So that I can see the good things that are happening!

2. Paul had confidence that the Lord would complete his good work in the Christians at Philippi. I know that the Lord will complete his good work in Sadie too! It may not be in the way I would choose or the way that seems the most obvious, but I know that he will complete his good work. I must trust that, believe that and hold on to that in times of fear. Seeing the other family lose their baby was so hard, but knowing that child is with the Lord brings me hope. He completed his work in that sweet girl in a way that was painful for those left behind, but glorious for her. I do not know how anyone could face death without that knowledge, but I am privileged enough to have that knowledge. More than anything, I want Sadie to live a long, full life and fall in love with Jesus here on earth. I would love for her to be able to share her story and use it to glorify His name, but I do not know if that is His plan.

3. Verses seven through eight talk about why Paul feels this way about the Christians at Philippi. He talks about how he has them in his heart and how they share God's grace with him. Sadie is definitely in my heart and I know she is in so many of yours too. What a beautiful thing to know how many people already love my sweet Sadie! And to know how many of you are praying for her daily. Thank you for this as this brings me joy. We also share God's grace with her. Through this time, I have felt God's grace in ways that I did not know were possible. In times of sheer terror and fear, He has been there. In times of small and big miracles, He has been there. Not because of anything I have done, but because He loves me. What a beautiful and miraculous gift! His grace is sufficient for me!

4. Finally, verses nine through eleven talk about his wishes for the people. I too share these wishes for Sadie (and Kinsley)! I want both of my daughters to grow in love for others and Christ, I want them both to have the gift of discernment, so that they can avoid senseless traps that we often fall into. I want them both to have the gift of righteousness through Christ. What a wonderful gift, we can be made right because of His sacrifice on the cross. This acknowledges that they do not have to be perfect, they just have to be His!

Praises for the Day:
1. Sadie's lactate levels have dropped back down. (This means her heart is not overworking itself anymore)
2. Her platelet count has risen to a great level without the addition of any blood products today. (Her platelets have been low- probably because of the infection breaking up her blood cells, but the rise shows that she is doing much better)
3. Her urine has been blood free for almost 48 hours.
4. Her blood culture, eye culture and spinal tap still show no growth!
5. Her head ultrasound showed no significant changes!

Prayer Requests for the Day:
1. We are penciled in for surgery next Wednesday! Pray that her infection clears up and all of her vitals stabilize so that we can have surgery!
2. They are sending out new blood and urine cultures- pray they have no growth.
3. Continued prayer for her lungs as they are still getting too much blood and it is making her respiratory rate too high. Pray that the medicines they are giving her for this work and that she does not have to be intubated again.
4. Sadie has a renal ultrasound tomorrow, pray for good results!
5. Pray for the family that lost their sweet little girl last night.

Love you all!

Sadie with three of my favorite nurses: Laura, Aimee and Heather! I was so blessed to have them all. I am slightly nervous as they are all off until Monday! Please come back soon.

Sadie with Fred (the amazing Chaplain for Cardio kids), Brittany (the best cardio ultrasound tech ever) and me. Love them!

March 19th: 9 Days Old!

Today was a great day for my sweet Sadie! I planned on going to the hospital for two hours and then leaving to take Kinsley on a play date, but just could not convince myself to leave. When I first arrived, I got my updates from one of my favorite nurses. Then, I watched an ultrasound of her brain (which we are still waiting on results for) and then had the fun task of calming her down afterwards. She was calm for the first part, but then when they started to do the back of her head, she started throwing a fit. She was swinging her arms around and wiggling all over the place- it is good to see that she is a little fighter though as we know we need that! After the ultrasound tech left, I tried calming her down for about 10 minutes with no luck. So, we decided that I should try holding her- that worked like a charm! So, I got to spend the next hour and a half just holding her.

After we put her back in her isolette, the respiratory therapist came by to do some practice exercises for eating. She is currently receiving all of her lipids and nutrients through IV's. So, when the day comes for actual milk, it will be a slow and long process. Starting with making sure her body can adjust to food and eventually leading to oral feeding.Most of the time, that is what keeps NICU babies in the longest is adjusting to eating. She warned me that it can be one of the most frustrating things but that it was good to be prepared. She then taught me some things that I could do to help her practice for the future.

After that, things got a little crazy in the NICU. All I could hear were nurses and doctors running around as one of the babies was taking a turn for the worse. It was so scary to hear, and I immediately began to pray for the family. I had no clue what was happening, but knew that they needed prayers. As I was leaving, I got the opportunity to meet the babies Aunt and Uncle. We shared stories and promised to begin praying for each other. Thankfully, the baby has stabilized and is doing better. Please pray for this family!

Then, I left to go get Kinsley and we went home for a little while. She had a wonderful day at daycare and then we got to play at home for a little while before we headed back up to the hospital. Once we were back, we got to see another one of our favorite nurses (I have quite a few favorites at this point because they are so wonderful) and spend some more time with Sadie. She was resting peacefully which is always wonderful to see.

I will always end with my verse for the day, praises and prayer requests. Here is our first set.

Verse for the Day:
Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
While I was holding Sadie today, I read her the story associated with this verse. If you go to Exodus chapter 14- you will find part of the story of Moses and the Israelites. In this part, Moses and the Israelites have left Egypt and are headed towards the Red Sea. God then hardens Pharoah's heart so that he will regret his decision to let the people go and chase after them. So, the chase begins. As soon as the Israelites see Pharoah and his army, they began to doubt the Lord and be come angry with Moses. Moses then tells them not to be afraid and tells them that the Lord will fight for them. You all know the rest of the story, the Lord tells Moses to raise his staff and divides the waters of the Red Sea so the Israelites can pass on dry land. Pharoah and his army chase after them and the Lord causes them to become confused. Once all of the Israelites make it to the dry land, he allows the walls of water to cave in. Pharoah and all of his men are drowned in the sea.

As I read this, this time, I noticed two things that I can relate to at this point in my life.

1. The Lord purposely hardened Pharoah's heart and had him chase after the Israelites. For the Israelites, it seemed like a bad thing as they saw them chasing after them. However, the Lord allowed them to face this seemingly scary trial and no harm came to them. The situation seemed hopeless as they saw Pharoah's army on one side and a sea on the other. For man, this was an impossible situation but for God it was not. He wanted to show that nothing is impossible. And He did just that!

2. The Israelites doubted the Lord. This seems crazy to me- they had already seen His power and still they doubted Him. How could this be? If I am honest with myself, I can see that I do this all the time. He has already done so much for me and yet I still allow fear to creep into my life and I do not trust Him. I must realize that He is in control and throw that fear out the door, or I will be just as crazy as the Israelites.


Praises for the Day:
1. Her latest blood and eye culture still shows no sign of infection.
2. Her spinal fluid shows no sign of infection.
3. Her platelet levels have risen.
4. Her urine has been blood free for almost 24 hours.
5. Her lactate and blood oxygen levels are great.
6. Her respiratory rate has slowed down to better levels.
6. I got to hold her again today!

Prayer Requests for the Day:
1. We still have to wait 24 more hours to have finalizations on her blood culture, eye culture and spinal tap. Pray that they continue to come back with no growth (this will mean the infections are gone) so that we can stay healthy and be ready for surgery next week.
2. Her lungs are considered to be slightly "damp." This is not a surprise to the doctors as her PDA has been open and we have not been able to band her pulmonary arteries yet. They are giving her lasix, which is a diuretic and should help flush the fluid out. Pray that this works and she has no bad reactions from the medicine.
3. We are waiting on results from her head ultrasound. Pray for favorable results and wisdom as the doctors make their recommendations.
4. We are waiting recommendations from the Infectious Diseases (she does not have any diseases, these are just the people who specialize in infections) Specialists. Pray for wisdom as they make their recommendations to Cardiology.
5. Pray for all of her nurses, they do such a wonderful job and we are so blessed with them!

Why Blog?

I have been told that blogging can be therapeutic and will be something we can look back on and cherish forever. So, with that I am diving head first into the world of blogging.

I will do my best to keep you updated on everything going on with Sadie and will ask that if you are reading this, that you commit to praying for our family. It may seem selfish, but it is what we need at this point.

I have really been struggling personally with "how to pray" for months now because as a mother I only want what I see is best for Sadie. I want her to live an easy, pain free, fun, and exciting life. I do not want her to feel pain or to suffer in any way. I want to take her pain away. Unfortunately, that is not possible and I know that. As a Christian, I know I need to pray for God's will for her life and that can be a scary thing. What if His will is not for her to have that carefree life, what if His will is something greater? When we look back in years to come, we may be able to see some of what He sees, but right now it is so difficult. When I think about "unanswered prayers" I am often reminded of a prayer I had in middle school. I was deeply "in love" with a boy and just wanted to "marry him one day" and would pray often to God about this. At the time, it seemed so important! Looking back it is very easy to laugh and to thank God for not answering that prayer as He blessed me with the perfect man for me in Zachary. Now this may be a silly example, but it does show that we do not always have clear vision in what we ask for. So, I ask that as you pray, you be specific and pray for His will. But, along with that, pray for wisdom for everyone involved in the situation, pray for peace and patience. Pray for comfort for our sweet girl and for us to see and appreciate each miracle. There are so many things we need, but the most important is our Creator's touch on our lives.

So, I ask that you just simply pray and if you are at a loss for words, just remember Romans 8:26-28. "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."

Thank you all for your love and support, we are eternally grateful!